I Batman vs Superman!!! REALLY, eh!!!?? Dawn of justice!!!?? It’s more Dawn of a childhood hero!!!

I don’t even know how to start this.

First I must say that I am a fan of SUPERMAN – from the classic films with Christopher Reeve (except for the speedos over the leggings thing)  to the new MAN OF STEEL from Zack Snyder.

So this will be my open letter to Zack…

Dear Zack,

let me start with thanking you. You have succeeded where many have failed. You took the iconic superhero Superman and were able to give him life again after almost 20 years. Many tried and failed but you were able to give him a new look, a true new beginning and you made him cool and fun to watch again. You were able to take the 80s 90s Superman and successfully readapt him in this century. After Christopher Reeve passed away (he was and will be the TRUE Kal-El) and many other actors have tried from series to movies and all felt a bit wrong or not perfect but you found in Henry Cavill the perfect new SUPERMAN. 

Not only physically – he looks like he could be Reeve’s son!!! But also in his interpretation of the tormented and out of place guy that battles between being different and maybe rejected and being a hero, a savior and hope for mankind. He was just great in MAN OF STEEL!! He was more than I expected to see the failures before (Superman Returns, Smallville, Clark, and Lois, etc…) No one of those guys gave the best struggle and the best interpretation of who Kal-El and Clark are really about… but Henry did!!! I was happy and even guilty to see a new Superman as good as Christopher Reeve. This one was even deeper in some ways. I just loved it!!

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 You had some big freaking names in it as the Main roles in the story of my HERO!!

Kevin Costner as Clark’s human father
Russell Crowe as Jor-El (that was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!!!)
Diane Lane as Clark’s human mom (that was just great, I love her!!!)

I really loved the MAN OF STEEL, from the title to the plot. The new clothes more contemporary and the story true to the originals but with a new and fresh twist. You did a great job.

So, you can imagine, to my surprise when I heard that instead of making a  sequel to that success, you chose to take Superman to a whole new direction.

Let me put this gently: You RAPED Superman!!!

Why?? WTF??? Superman vs Batman?? Are you mad??? WHY????

Not only you vomit on your own work and sodomize Kal-El but you decide to make a double violation and take down Batman too??? 

Let’s talk about Batman. I never liked the BATguy, to begin with…still… Not a true hero to me but just a spoiled rich guy with too much time and money on his hands that decide to play the vigilante, mainly out of boredom for being hot and filthy loaded! But Christopher Nolan, just like you did with Superman, was able to make the guy more appealing and approachable. He made him less cartoony and more real. I would also say that Christian Bale, like Henry Cavill, is for Superman, is the perfect actor for Bruce’s role. 

But, you decided that why crash and burn all by yourself and only destroy Superman!!?? NOOOO!!! You take down 2 in one freaking movie!!! 

So you take the new and improved Batman and you give it to Ben Affleck???!!! Are you crazy??? Really??? He was DAREDEVIL and sucked at it, for crying out loud!!!!

Of course, I get that Christian Bale might have seen the idea behind Batman vs Superman and might have thought: WTF, dude!!! So no way he would let you sodomize his performance as the perfect Batman. 

Zack, why??? Why are you doing this to me??? Why you take my childhood HERO and make him act like a retard in a movie that did NOT need to be made. Why did you not make a sequel?? Why not try to do what Nolan did?? Why not make 2 or 3 movies only about Superman and keep on making people like him again after all this time?? WHY???

So, now, I read and see the posters of your abuse!!! You like gangbangs and you just mixed in the bowl others, I get it that you are trying to make movies about the Justice League, and all that!!! BUT WHO GIVES A BIG FAT CRAP??!!!

Justice_League

JUSTICE LEAGUE is dead…buried and please do NOT resuscitate it. They need to stay dead. Look what happened to the AVENGERS…they tried something like this before. Too many heroes together in the same damn movies it too much!!! NOBODY cares or wants that!!! Keep it simple. ONE HERO AT A TIME!!!!

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Anyways…let’s get back to the gangbang you are trying to start. So now there will be Wonder Woman and Aquaman in the movie too and the Flash!!??!! Are you really nuts!!???
What about Kal-EL??
Why belittle his figure and mix him in the same bowl??!! He deserves better than that! He’s just back and you are trying to bury him alive again while he’s kicking and holding on for dear life!!!

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Trailer Batman vs Superman

Let me explain you a couple of things that are wrong with this:

1. Ben Affleck?? vs Christian Bale – do I even have to use words to make the comparison. There is none.!!! Ben is too old and he’s not masculine enough to take on Christian.
His voice is wrong, his posture, his attitude, he is like the gay version of Batman (nothing wrong with gay version but that would be another kind of movie) and to top it all up, you make him even look more buffed that Kal-EL?? Come on!!! Not a chance in the freaking Krypton!!!Superman is an alien- A GOD!!!! He is a massive beefcake and the father of all beefcakes!! The muscle of his muscles had names and nicknames!!! You cannot make Ben “please do not make me be Batman after Bale” Affleck looks bigger than Henry!!!
Ben Affleck is not up for the task…you had to leave him be…NO BATMAN!!! 
He cannot be dark and enigmatic as Christian was in the role and make credible the conflict between the good guy and the spoiled millionaire and still be in the fine line between savior or foe.

BEN IS JUST NOT RIGHT FOR THE PART!!!!!

Christian Bale has said numerous times that his story as Batman was completely told in Nolan’s trilogy and it wouldn’t make sense for him to play the role again.

“We were incredibly fortunate to get to make three [Batman films]. That’s enough. Let’s not get greedy,” – to Entertainment Weekly

And he’s right. 

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Then you will use the same batmobile as in Nolan’s movies??? Really and now Batman has glowing eyes…come on!!! Just shoot me in the face with a BATsomething!!!

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 I cannot take this, Zack!

2. As Kal-El earth mom says in your movie: Be their Angel, be their Monument, be their God; be anything they need you to be or be none of it.

I’d rather have Superman be the MAN OF STEEL and that is it!!! Not a video game battle for the sake of action and special effects and whatever is going on in your delirious mind, Zack!!!

3. Lex Luthor?? Jesse Eisenberg???? Really?? Having Ben as Bruce was not bad enough??
Horrible actor!!! Terrible roles !! He is so damn boring!!! His roles are all very NERD on the brink of suicide and he cannot be ironic and sarcastic as other Lex were in the past.

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Gene Hackman was LEX for Jor-El’s sake!!!! Gene makes Lex be sometimes likable that you forget he’s the bad guy and he is so sarcastic and smart!! He makes the best jokes in the old movies. He is just the guy you love to hate! Again there is no comparison!!
Jesse is not credible as Lex not even if I was blind, mute and had an aneurysm and was watching the movie, I would be totally unable to think:  That guy is a good Lex freaking Luthor!!!He always looks like he is constipated and hasn’t been to the toilet for weeks. Lex is a changing dynamic role that needs life and humor. He’s the bad guy for the sake of bad and he’s jealous of a GOD!!! Jess will make Lex look like the only thing he’s jealous about Kal-El is his hair gel and his personal trainer!!! Please do not do this to me!!!

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4. Zack – you made 300!!!!
Why are you doing this now???!!! You cannot go from being a visual artist and creative genius to a MEGA production of a pile of SHIT!!!! you changed and reshaped visuals in movies that are art like 300!!! Why do this big pile of giant horse crap!!??

On the less dark side, sorry Zack but I cannot see a bright side on this one, let me point out some good things that will make me watch this movie even though I will be wanting to poke my eyes out with the broken edge of a coke can!!! And I will be definitely wanting to perforate my eardrum with a nail while you will repeatedly be violating my HERO!! But because of these few things I will be there and watch while biting my hands to the bone!!!

You appeal to my most shallow woman side and give me this (it might not be enough?!!): 

1. Aquaman – HELL YEAH!! That is one BIG eye candy aka Jason Momoa …thank you, Zack.  Nothing more to say since he’ll be just a small appearance and introduction to this role for now while you murder Kal-El’s image!!!

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2. Henry Cavill – OMG!!! (I’ll say no more) I could watch Henry as Superman in a mute film for 5698 hours. So there it is the only reason I would ever go to watch this martyrdom of a movie and all the JUSTICE LEAGUE bullshit you will prepare from there on, Zack!!! If Henry will be on the silver screen – one thing for sure: I WILL BE THERE!!! Even if he speaks in gestures and drools on the floor and pisses on himself and he’s covered in elephant’s diarrhea!!

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BUT (this is one single favor you’re doing me) …Thanks for the classic moment in the new movies of Kal-El with the FAMOUS curl:

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What an epic moment that will be the only one!!!

 These are the only positive things I can think of in this cluster mega FUCK!!!!

 For the rest, while watching this movie I will be wishing that I never saw this happen and that MAN OF STEEL was all good and there is still hope in the movie world and that you were out of your God given mind when you thought of this. 

I will be there, Zack. But I will not be linking one little bit of it. Those will be 2 and something hours of my life I will NEVER get back.But I will be THERE!!!

btsm

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