Confessions of a human canine….

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It is a scientifically proven fact that women due to our genetic supremacy upon men can, therefore, smell better than men, in fact, women are more attuned to underarm stink because the biological data it contains helps them choose mates or not…

So it is only logical that I can detect, whence I can be really bothered by it…which might sound like a curse sent from hell…worse than the 10 plagues of Egypt…

I can smell a disturbing odour from across the wall that separates my flat from the next building.

I can detect a disgusting smell in a room full of people and pinpoint the source and unfortunately for me classify the distinguished tones of the smell…onion like…dirty feet…a week old unwashed socks…etc…

It is impossible for me to ignore it and even not feel the vomit rise up in my mouth and then sink back…which is revolting.

So here is my plea and perplexity to all those who think that buying soap is an overburden  task and that opt for saving the planet by avoiding to encounter a short visit to the shower once a month and have not been well acquainted with deo or perfume…they worry about the water waste and ozone layer…well..worry about smelling like you’re covered in 25-year-old rotten fish, dipped in gorgonzola cheese and topped up by decomposing rats…

I cannot absolutely stand to:

1.  I arrive home after 8 hours in the office and smell as first thing inside my temple…old cigarette smoke from the neighbour that  not only decided to excessive their right to commit long term suicide and raise their chance for pulmonary cancer or chronic respiratory deficiency but also to violate my right for clear air and pollute my living space with revolting smoke smell…So to counter balance I have to spend my 2.58 cents (euros) in countless spraying of air breeze and light an army of  scented candles and risk to become BBQ in my own house just to temper my raging desire to walk next door and burn their home to the ground of course with them inside…

2. I decide to entertain myself and have a nice evening at the cinema when someone decided that water and soap is evil and the source of all vile things in the world and last time they showered must have been in 1985 when Joe Farman, Brian Gardiner and Jonathan Shanklin announced the annual depletion of ozone above the Antarctic… and that the use of deodorant might cause self-combustion and therefore much better to avoid it completely  and let people around them wish that they were born without a nose…evidently their low brain activity has caused them to  lose theirs and I have to suffer for it and bare my nose in my scarf for 2 hours 47 minutes to avoid wanting to request a firearms license and carry a M249 and shoot them repeatedly until there is only a blob of blood left and annihilate their stinky presence…

3.  I use the public transportation to get to my work and someone sitting next to me decided that smelling like 45 year old Roquefort locked in a musty basement is hip and trendy and so much more attractive than using AXE…and when they move around that overbearing smell gets stronger and all I can think of, except from vomiting in their mouth…is that unwashed butt since the discover that a salt of a fatty acid can be used to make soap…and that is a loooooooong time ago… and the stench of rotten onions might not bother them at all…I really feel the urge to walk around with bleach and though it randomly at people and then set it on fire…but I control myself and try to vomit in the inside…and I practice apnea  as long as they decide to move away from me…and that might have the advantage that I could beat Stephane Misfud  and his 11 minutes in freediving (apnea)…or I just might die…either would solve my discomfort enormously…

So I just have one message and one only…please someone sponsor my nostrils removal operation or just start a worldwide campaign against stickiness…

SAVE THE WORLD>>>DO NOT STINK…. 

SAVE THE WORLD>>>USE SOAP*…. 

* I’ll buy you soap if you cannot afford 0.98 cents…

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